we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
