I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
