how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
