The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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