tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
