where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
