i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This house was built for laser tag.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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