Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
