Umm I'm too high to move.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
