hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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