these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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