moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
