put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
