You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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