Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
