I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
