i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
