It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
