just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
