yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
