I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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