I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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