how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
True college students do jello shots in the library
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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