so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
