She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
