I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
