She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
