The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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