If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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