Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
