It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
