I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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