there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Terrible idea I love it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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