The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
