please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
