please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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