so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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