UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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