I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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