I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
