Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
