hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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