he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
