He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
