Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
