He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
