when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
