Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
