I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
