I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
