it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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