Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
